My Valentine usually comes in a bottle and has an alcohol content of at least 8%. I don't mind it one bit that it doesn't pay for my dinner, or buy me flowers. Side note, I hate flowers. They are pointless and stupid, buy me something that is useful like wine, jewelry, or Starbucks gift cards. I tend to go against the grain because I like the thrill of being different I suppose. So when everyone was out eating an over priced pre fixed meal with their significant others I was ranting at The Bachelor. And thank the lord he was smart and go rid of that nut job Michelle.
When it came down to it finding a date for Valentine's Day would have been an epic nightmare. I could have frantically messaged the hundreds of bachelors on OkCupid to line up a perspective but I am currently on the I Hate Meeting People Online Bandwagon for the 5th time. I also could have taken home the Swiss Dude I met in Vegas on Friday night. For the record we only made out because the Birthday Girl was refusing to talk to anyone at the table and my drunk BFF was furiously fist pumping to Firework so I had to take one for the team in order to continue to drink all their alcohol. I also could have texted one of my recent conquest. That is a list of about 4 people. 1. Has a girlfriend 2. We rarely speak to each other so there was no effing way he would be me dinner 3. We boned after a night of drinking and drugs so he also wouldn't buy dinner and 4. Called me a slut last week so he is banned from any receiving any sort of sexual favors from this girl.
I've always kind of hated Valentine's Day anyways. Why do I have to show my love for someone with sugar, flowers, and lingerie on this one day. I am down to play dress up whenever just ask, it doesn't have to be restricted to one day a year. Fish nets, nurses outfits, god so many choice for just one damn day. Where was I? Right. I effing hate February 14th, mainly because its 24 hours of pure torture to remind me that I am once again single. I also love it because I can get my buzz on, loath in self pity for one day, and be bitter at Cupid.
Besides my past V Days have been kind of messy. Like two years ago when I invited the entire Duke Lacross team to our party and elbows were thrown between them and my LBC Boys. Let's just say there was blood and pink panty droppers everywhere. This year was an upgrade from that so lets pray to Aphrodite and hope I can be one of those couples that mobile uploads their entire day of mushy crap onto Facebook so that my mom and friends can Like It. If that doesn't work out then back to the bottle I go.
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