The First: LA Dude

When I came back from my first hiatus I wanted a clean slate. I uploaded a new self portrait brought to you by iPhoto, edited my about me, and off I went into round 2 of this web-based world of disgusting pick-up lines. All my terrible messages from round 1 were still in my inbox, so naturally I had to clean them out and reread some for some LOLs and LMFAOs. Then I stumble upon one I didn't remember and clicked on his little face to bring up his profile, and what do you know he just may be even more of a sarcastic cynical pistol than I am. I like a majority of what I  read and despite his pictures being on the verge of too hipster with the lowest V necks ever and manrey (jewelry for men get it?)  I decided to respond to his opening remarks of "you had me at black iced tea". We bantered back and forth for about an hour or so and then he upgraded me to phone status and gave me his number. Similar interest included: sushi, killing house plants, being musical snobs, and having a love for Apple products. There was one thing I was unsure of he was 29, soon to be 30. That is 8 full years ahead of me and my recently graduate still partying immature self, and he also lived in LA hence the nickname, which is too far to be starting any sort of romantic involvement. A little FYI guys, you will be referred to as your nickname by my mother and friends until you are proven worthy to be called by your actual name.

Rule #2: 30 and above, they are ready for love. Date older but not too old.

Our texting conversations ranged from how was your day to finding out more about one another. I was into his sarcastic views and shared similar mentalities about life happenings, and not to mention our musical tastes were perfectly in tact. Once we were involved in your texting relationship our daily hour long phone calls commenced. Lets be real here I love talking on the phone but for me to dedicate and hour a day to some dude, holy hell I just may be into this one. After about a month or so it was happening, we were going to meet, obviously in a public place, and I was going to actual go on my first online date.

We met on a Sunday for an early dinner after he got done serving his community for a DUI charge. I know what your thinking you would go after another alcohol enthusiast. I walked in with anxiety and nervousness because what if he was a serial rapist who wanted to sell me into sex slavery. That was not in the Terms & Conditions of the website so naturally I texted the friends and family to let them know my exact location so they could start there if I went missing. Our date went well despite the fact that I had to eat sushi with my hands because I am chopstick challenged, and I'm pretty sure our waiter does bad porn for a second job. Turns out LA dude was pretty normal, I use that in a loose sense because he is as normal as I am. However after our first date he wanted to fly me to Texas for his birthday. Imagine meeting his friends/family, oh hi we met online had one date and now he flew me to Texas? No thanks, i'm good at dealing with awkward but hello thats just plain weird.

Our relationship continues through the week after our first date, including cute text messages, late night phone calls, and picture messaging throughout our days. Then after I decline his proposal to be flown to a different state I drove my ass to LA picked him up from the airport and we proceeded to date 2. Ok maybe not date 2 more like date 1.5 as we sat in his apartment ate sushi and watched one of Adam Sandler's better movies You Don't Mess with the Zohan (kididng). We end with a goodbye kiss and off I go with the thoughts of am I really going to make this drive frequently? He made the decision easy, he got weird. I mean like zero communication.

Over Facebook chat he says I am not good at dating, he wanted a wife or meaningless sex. His words not mine. ATTENTION: You have to date someone in order to marry them, its how the fucking world works. Unless you believe in arranged marriages then sucks for you but yea you have to court me, buy me dinner, meet my family, you know normal couple things. Here I am pissed because here is this dude who I was actually interested in and he has to go get all I don't date on me. Why the hell sir are you on an online dating, key word dating, website? So my advice 30 and above they are ready for love, marriage family, kids and the whole shabang in a very short time period. Single Girls of the World keep in mind rule #2 date older because lets face it guys mature as slow as molasses, but don't date too old or you are wedged into the marriage corner within 2 dates. Its unfortunate that for those of us lower on the age ladder who want to see where things go that people like this exists to waste my time, gas, and effort. LA Dude and I still chat every so often and the proposal for marriages is thrown out there like he is asking me what I want from Starbucks. My first online date gave me hope and then as usual expectations were shot down like those ducks on the old Ninetendo game.