As I write to you all I am coping with the standard Saturday morning hangover so bare with me. I love attention. But at least I can admit it. So when LA Dude started not communicating anymore I was craving attention and a bottle of wine. I am a white wine girl personally so as I drowned my disappointment with a bottle of riesling I was reading through my inbox. There were the standard awful messages from guys who you know haven't had sex in at least 3 and a half years. In the bundle was a mediocre message from a lawyer who lived near me and was normal, or so I thought.
I gave him my standard qualifiers of colgate vs. crest, arrowhead water, and the lakers. We started messaging regularly and after another night of my wine diet I gave him my number. He texted me regularly and was ready to meet me, and lets be real who wouldn't. Kidding. Kind of. Anyways on a Monday night I got home from work and was hanging with my friends as they studied for finals and he asked me if we could go get a drink. I said sure and then smoked a bowl. I may be a confident, borderline cocky, but I get nervous for first dates just like everyone else. I need to relieve my stress.
I get dressed, get my outfit approved, smoke one more just to be safe, and set out to meet bachelor number 2 brought to you by OkCupid. We decided to meet downtown at East Village Tavern. I parked my car, sent the "here" texts and waited for him to come out of his high rise building. Now keep in mind I am stoned, its cold, and I am the most impatient person ever. He finally comes out of the building and red flag one dude is short. When you lie on your online profile make it about things like how much money you make and your long term goals, not how tall you are. Why would you lie about something that is clearly visible when we meet? 5'10' my ass, he was 5'6" at best, and he was wearing a sweatshirt, jeans, and flip flops. I'm not saying I was dressed to the nines but first impressions are a big thing for me.
We go to the bar order some Stellas and the conversing commences. Right away I know this guy isn't moving past date 1. First of all his favorite band is My Chemical Romance. My response was you don't seem to be a 13 year old emo girl who slits her wrists but you may be. No seriously though of all the music out there that was his number 1, i'm fucked. The date continued down this downward spiral with every conversation topic, family, friends, life time goals. We were at the opposite sides of every discussion and my high was slowly being killed. And to top it off his right eye was googly. Literally made crazy eights. At first I though maybe I was high and imagining things, again I was wrong.
I am usually right, but when mixed with beer and weed my morals and intuition are out the window. Side note my best friend last night said she can tell within seconds if she like a person kind of like a dog, then our close guy friend says oh like a bitch, her response yea i'm your bitch. She kills me. Anyways during my date she did her frequent check ins to make sure I was alive. So where were we? Oh yea the crazy eye that I couldn't stop looking at. It was almost like a nervous twitch, but worse. After two beers I suggested we leave as I had work and needed to leave before I started laughing at his eye.
On my drive home I am contemplating to myself why I am even trying to find people online? I am 22, young, and have issues with commitment. What the fuck am I trying to do? Besides working on my conversation skills which already are amazing I have no idea what prompted me to want to date online. I had flashes of Sock Dude and remembered, I was struggling to meet anyone worthy in bars/car washes/roller rinks. As I made my way into my apartment and recounted the awful date and eye situation that I just encountered to all my roommates, the question loomed. Are you going to stay online?
Over the next few days I got a few text messages from the Sir Googly Eye and never responded. Was he not on the same date? He had to know we had nothing in common and that his eye will be a relationship killer for life. I know its mean and insincere but I can not have my kids inherit that gene. I would never put a child at risk for that kind of cruel punishment while growing up. I came to the decision I was going to continue to try and meet Mr. Right Now or I need to join the cast of Jersey Shore and "get it in" with guys who GTL.
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