Inbox: Talking to Women

There are two good things about meeting prospectives in bars. The obvious is free drinks, you want me to talk to you thats fine but i'll take my usual. Secondly is you may get cheesy pick-up lines and lame openers, but the world of online dating is an entirely different ball game. Word to the wise I get there are those of us who date online because we are "busy" with life and can't meet people, but majority are socially awkward upper 20 year olds who play too much XBox and are so used to only talking to other greasy nerds through a head-set they aren't even sure what a female sounds like. Or they are in the Navy, Marines, Army, etc.

One of my favorite messages ever came from a non-athletic, borderline casper white, nerdy, looking individual and it said this:

" I was looking through my matches and saw all these poor, desperate, and lonely girls that are all online, and then I found you. I clicked on your profile and thought wow shes poor, desperate, lonely, and cute"

No joke. First of all its one thing for my guy friends to make fun of me and call me desperate to joining an online dating site at the age of 22, but news flash asshole you are online too. And yes it is true that girls are attracted to assholes (sorry Mr. Nice Guy but its how the world works) but here is my thing with humor and sarcasm. You can only use it in a situation like this if you are someone like Brad Pitt. I know its terrible and shallow but I only speak the truth. If you are going to blantenly be a dick you have to be attractive. Do you think Lindsay Lohan would be able to be such a crazy bitch if she was fat and ugly. The answer is no, she may be a ginger but at least shes kind of pretty.

Moving on. The next message I have receives a number of times:

"Hey gril."

Unless your name is Usher or 50 Cent this is not going to work for you. Like the above you can only be mysterious and not upfront with facts about your life if you are tall, dark, and handsome. That line does not work on me in bars, it sure as hell is not going to work when you have my profile of useless information about me to start a decent conversation. I mean lets be real this damn online dating has specific questions for a reason so of all the things to say at least 3/5 guys someone fucks up and uses a one liner that doesnt even deserve to be read.

I've clearly had message that some how attract my attention in some way. The concept is pretty easy. Read my profile first, pick something that we either have in common, or that you find interesting, type it up and hit send. Guys act like its effing rocket science. Girls like attention, we like to see you have an interest in us, and not that just you looked at my picture and I am not an troll like the one you are probably currently dating. The good news is if I don't start getting qaulity messages I have about 14 different guys I can select from that have sent me invites including address and phone numbers to come blow them. Now this is why I'm meeting guys online, yeah right...