Third times a charm, or so they say. After the disappointment of the first being a winner and then bailing and the second having an eye problem, I was beyond reluctant to go on anymore OkCupid dates. At one point I disabled my account because when I signed on and had someone from my high school who I hated as an 80% match gazing at me from my match list, I flipped. But for some reason online dating has become a borderline obsession. I mean its free entertainment on a daily basis, and quite frankly I like talking about myself. But date number 3 could have been mistaken for a game of Mindsweeper with the number of red flags that shot up during our dinner.
Rule #4: Stay clear of the umbilical cord boys.
At first glance number 3 has potential, meaning he looked good on paper and by paper I mean my computer screen. Fit my age demographic of 23-30, had a stable job, lived in San Diego, passed all my qualifying questions, and took my sarcasm with a grain of salt. Also he could hold his own in our texting conversations. Speedy responses, kept the conversation going, not awkwardness at all. So when he asked me when we were going to offically meet the plans began. First he was trying to take me on a dinner cruise, I declined as I refuse to be stuck on a boat with anyone I am meeting for the first time. To be honest I am not the best swimmer and would hate to ruin a good cocktail dress if I had to jump ship. I also refused him picking me up for similar reasons. You always need away out, always, no exceptions.
I pulled up the the restaurant a little late and walked inside and recgonized him by his description of at the bar wearing a blue stripped shirt text message I had just received. I give him the once over and where he isn't the hottest guy i've dated he had two normal eyes. I also am beginning to think I don't actually know how tall I am. I swear he said he was 5'10" and looks to me he isn't but maybe I am just unaware of how tall I am especially in boots. But whatever he could have been taller. So we sit down order some rolls and started talking topics that I wouldn't classify as Date 1 topics.
Topic #1 - Religion. Almost immediately this kid starts talking about his Jewish roots. For anyone that knows me well or even remotely at all knows I do not believe, practice, or fake being apart on any organized based faith. Because I am a firm believer in honesty is the best policy I straight out say I would never convert. I did however celebrate Hanukkah once because my mom wanted my brothers and I to be cultured, and again when I was in college because Hardy Hanukkah sounded way better than Hardy Christmas (and who doesn't like a 7 day gift exchange?) Anyways my point is I get that its a huge part of this dudes life, let alone his face with the jewish schnoz, but it makes me uncomfortable to talk about. My head is flashing warning signs because I could just visualize me refusing to go to temple and his family hating me for my agnostic beliefs. I mean I will let my kids make their own decisions about religion but if you would please take the invisible yamaka off so we can move on thanks.
Topic #2 - His Mom. I have a great relationship with my mom. She is one of my best friends and I talk to her 7 times a day. Yes she knows I am sitting across the table from some guy I met online and after I leave we are going to go over everything from what he was wearing to what he does, BUT I will not tell my date any of this. I simply respond to yes I get along great with my family, however my date didn't feel the same way. I think its because of the jew thing, I mean really Jewish Moms are the worst. Involved in every aspect of their children's lives, and his was no different. He basically told me his mom was disappointed that I'm not Jewish and thought it was weird I judge people who use Colgate toothpaste. Well I think its weird she doesn't understand that Colgate is the worst tasting toothpaste ever and if you like Colgate we are clearly not meant for each other so there. But that was the least of my worries. As I find out he just moved out of his current apartment he just moved into a house. I am thinking ok great upgrade, and then he drops a bomb. He lives at home, with his mom.
I understand people move home because they can't afford to support themselves, and guys mature slower and yada freakin yada, but this guy actually wanted to move home. He tells me he is trying to save to buy a house. Sorry I am not buying it for a second. No one self respecting employed 27 year old wants to live at home unless he still has his umbilical cord attached. Now my warning signs are complete alarms and the red flags are waving. My apologies but its hard to date as it is and I don't need to date you and your mother. Lets face it she already hates me because I don't know the Torah. Do me a favor and crawl back in her womb, where it is also rent free.
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